‘Twas
the night before the Electors met,
And
all through the state,
Every
voter was praying,
Awaiting
their fate.
The
candidates were calm,
In
their respective homes;
Watching
every news break,
And
burning up the phones.
When
from the Supreme Court
There
arose such a clatter,
We
ran to hear reporters
Announce
what was the matter.
“The
decision’s been made,
It’s
been handed down,”
We
heard Peter Jennings say,
With
just a hint of a frown.
“A
close vote indeed,
A
mere 5 to 4;
Out
president is George Dubya,
The
interminable bore.”
As
we drew
in our breath
And
turned the dial around,
The
news was the same
And
our jaws hit the ground.
The
judgments were fierce,
Passionate
on each side;
These
Justices had had it,
Their
brains were fried.
We
remembered way back
To
when the election took place;
We
couldn’t stop the smile
Widening
across our face.
First
it was Gore,
He
got it all.
Then
all of a sudden
It
was too close to call.
Next
thing we knew,
Bush
had it made,
But
again that lead
Started
to fade.
Gore
called to concede,
Then
called back in five,
“I’m
taking it all back,
Seems
I may still be alive.”
The
anchors were weary
And
starting to yawn;
The
reporting continued
Till
way after dawn.
We
watched till our eyes bled,
And
up came the sun;
Would
this ever be over,
Would
it ever be done?
Illegal
ballots were blamed
And
doubts started to linger;
Each
side protested
And
pointed a finger.
Hanging
chads and confusion
Were
the arguments of choice,
But
the Republicans wouldn’t listen
To
the People’s voice.
So
it came down
To
a 5 vote to 4;
Never
mind that the people
In
fact wanted Gore.
The
decision was made
And
they claimed it was fair,
As
the sick smell of partisanship
Still
hung in the air.
As
they came into the Court
And
looked over their notes,
They
declared their intention
To
give Bush the votes.
We
heard them exclaim,
“Forget
your selection;
We’ve
chosen instead
To
steal this election.”
Gore
spoke first,
His
speech first-rate;
He
disagreed, he said,
But
accepted his fate.
Bush
came on next,
“Suck
it up, you old crabs,
Or
you’ll have Poppy to deal with,
Brother
Jeb and Mama Babs.”
Prepare
for a term
Of
high taxes and more,
Pretty
soon you’ll all wish
You
had voted for Gore.
Pollution,
illiteracy,
And
executions to boot…
We
couldn’t have done worse
Had
we voted for Newt.
So
the fate of our nation
Was
sealed with a kiss,
Alfred
E. Newman will lead
In
his ignorant bliss.