I'm going to take some time now and write about a subject which I have been avoiding, quite well, for some time now: my future in-laws. Now, I have to first say, that I have some very cool future in-laws...people I look forward to sharing a name with: there's J, my future sis-in-law, who just rocks. I mean she's just plain fun and accepting of everybody. Then there's M, who's basically the same: very cool, mucho fun. And of course, my future bro-in-law, L, who, while quiet, is supportive and cool. And T, is pretty much the same.
And then there is A. A is, well, a little off. Ok, that's not a nice thing to say about a future sister-in-law, but please, let me explain. A believes, truly believes, that the union between Joe and I is doomed; actually she believes it is "fake" (her word) and that it won't ever last. The reason for this morose prediction: I'm not catholic and we are not getting married in the catholic church. Heh. Oh my. Where to start.
OK, first off, my feeling is thus: everybody is entitled to an opinion. Right or wrong, no matter how profoundly insane, everyone is entitled to an opinion. I believe this and I respect this right. As such, I have no problem with Joe's mother, who shares the same crazy opinion with A, and will not be attending our wedding next month. You heard me correctly, Joe's own mother will not be at our wedding...because it is not in the catholic bloody church. {sigh}. Anyway, the reason I have a modicum of respect for this woman is that this is her belief, she has shared it with me, and while she thinks no less of me she simply can't find it in herself to celebrate the union of her own son and a {GASP} Lutheran.
OK.
The reason I have no respect for, and no use for if we're gonna be honest, A, is that she has not had the...what, courtesy, of telling me to my face that she thinks this is all wrong. Instead she wrote her brother a nasty email (which he forwarded to me and to which I kindly responded), and she insists on conducting a "smear" campaign behind our backs. Not cool.
Now let me give you a little bacground on A's family. I do this not out of judgment...after all, shit happens and this is the 21st century. Rather, I offer this synopsis simply as a means of comparison...a way of reflecting on the hypocracy of the A's in the world. OK, one of A's daughters (there are 10 children in all) had a baby out of wedlock a couple of years ago after briefly dating a guy she met wherever. The guy, W, did the honorable thing, asked her to marry him and that union was to happen this summer. Well, A's daughter T, starting cheating on W with H, with whom she works, dumped W (the father of her baby!), and recently became engaged to H. That union is scheduled to happen sometime in October. Hmmm.
Now this scenario is all too common these days. I don't think less of T because she got pregnant out of wedlock. I don't even think less of her because she decided not to go through with her marriage to W. After all, if she was not in love with him, a marriage between the two would be disastrous and would only serve to confuse and hurt their child. So kudos to T for realizing it before it was too late. I do think she was wrong in the way she went about it. It was hurtful to W, and I'm sure to her daughter. But this is not really the point. The point is that as well as I can remember sex before marriage is a no-no in the catholic church. Of course, so is birth control, so I guess becoming pregnant is the lesser of two evils. Whatever.
Anyway, A apparently forgave T this sin against God and the church and currently helps to raise the child. That's a good thing. However, what I'm confused about is the fact that both A and T see me as not living in a state of grace because I'm a Lutheran, or rather, because I'm not a catholic. And neither will attend the wedding next month. Shameful.
I was catholic. I was baptized and raised catholic. My whole family is catholic. I don't have a problem with the catholic faith. My problem is with the institution of the catholic church. That you cannot question that which you consider wrong or hurtful is beyond belief to me. That you must accept the teachings without question (though apparently you can pick and choose which teachings you adhere too and still be "living in a state of grace"...as long as you...what, confess, tithe, whatever) is barbaric.
I'm not living in a state of grace because I take issue with and question an institution that seemigly embraces the abuse and exploitation of children. Apparently not blindly accepting everything the catholic church has to say is a bigger sin than stealing the innocence and trust of a child. And people remain silent. Parents remain silent! It's ludicrous. Priests, teachers, doctors. These are all people society turns to when they are most vulnerable. To abuse that power is reprehensible. To wield that power against a child is unforgivable.
I'm going off on a tangent here. My issues with the catholic church run far deeper than the recent crisis the church is facing. From confession to annullments...I find some of the teachings archaic and insane. It's why I left the church. But my faith in God is as strong as any catholic, and my attempt to a live my life as a good Christian, I believe, is far more gratifying to God than confessing that I swore 23 times last month to some guy (yup, they're human) in a collar. God knows my heart. That's good enough for me.
Now the one person I left out of the equation is Joe's twin brother (Another J), who happens to be a catholic priest. And I'm not talking your everyday catholic priest...this guy is hella traditional, does the masses in Latin, etc. OK, so what is his take on the whole thing? I honestly don't know. According to the conversations he'd had with Joe, he's supportive and happy for us and thinks A is too extreme in her beliefs and unkind in her actions. But from what I understand, he has not told A his feelings, which if you ask me is as bad if not worse than conspiring with A to end this union before it happens. I don't know how J feels. He has never contacted me to either let me know he feels the same as A, and that I should not drag Joe down with me, nor has he contacted me to voice his support and welcome me to the family. I'd like to know either way. I heard he's a wonderful priest. That's great; I'm sure he is. But first he is Joe's brother. And not just his brother, but his twin. The two are more closely genetically linked than either is to their own parents. There's a bond between them. I do know that J will also not be at our wedding. Apparently he will be on some pilgrimage. I desperately want to ask him if he'd make it a point of being here were Joe to marry a catholic. But maybe I'm just being paranoid. {sigh}
Writer's block. I hate writer's block. Actually a professor of mine once commented, when I complained to him about writer's block, that it was more likely writer's glut...I had too much to say and it all seemed to bottleneck somewhere between my brain and my fingers. OK, I buy that for back then because it was like memoir writing that I was doing, but this is truly writer's block. Actually, now that I think of it, maybe it is writer's glut...Oh, I don't know. Whatever. The problem is thus: I have too many projects in my head. Ok, he's right. See? I really need to focus.
Deep breath. The thing is, I've been so unbelievably busy lately with wedding plans, trying to fix up the house, packing, etc., that I haven't been properly disciplined in my writing. I use to spend several hours a day writing. Sometimes the time was spent on a single project, other times I'd work on different things, but I always made time to sit and write and get "it" out on paper. Lately, I haven't had the time to do that and it's causing a major traffic jam in my head. We're talking Big Dig traffic here. There's one project I've been working on for 2 years and I'm frustrated by my lack of focus on it. The screenplay. The screenplay has become a perpetual thorn in my side because I can see it to completion in my head, but I can't get it down on paper! Every time I try, I freeze up. Writer's block. Writer's glut. {heavy sigh}
The other project I can't get my mind off is the "article" with my pal Ira. We have been trying for ages to get this thing into print, but we can't seem to find an end. It has become our opus. And it is weighing heavily on my mind as I try to make room for other things.
A brief non sequitur:
I haven't talked with Ira in a while. I'm almost afraid to talk to him right now thanks to the lousy performance of the Red Sox lately. I am a die-hard Red Sox fan, he is a die-hard Red Sox critic. I'm sure he's already predicting their demise. “They’ll break your heart, you know,” he tells me at the start of every season. I know. What can I say, I’m a glutton for punishment. I keep telling him I refuse to die until they win a damn Series. He insists I’ll live forever.
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The other thing that's on my mind is the story I want to write about Joe and Donna. I've been thinking about it since Christmas, but I haven't even approached them about it. I did send a query to my agent and he wants me to write up a proposal. Just one more thing to think and worry about, I suppose.
I can't think about it now; I have to get up in 2 hours.